Healing From Sexual Violence
What does guilt feel like in the body? Guilt is a reaction to something we have done, an action we have taken. We did something harmful or bad. So we pull back as if we just touched a hot stove, or run away from situations and relationships so we don’t …
What does shame feel like in the body? It might feel like stooped shoulders, or hanging your head until your neck is permanently crooked. It might feel like all your muscles are weak, as if the very air is too heavy and it’s all your fault, anyway. When we carry …
If we choose to work on forgiving the people who harm us, many survivors find themselves trying to understand why the perpetrator did what they did. So we go through mental gymnastics trying to understand, explain, rationalize the irrational actions of another person. First we blame ourselves: We …
It is almost universal that survivors of sexual violence feel damaged. Well-meaning people (and plenty of social media posts) flatly disagree and tell us, “You are worthy just because you are human” or “The Japanese custom of kintsugi uses gold to repair broken pottery, so what happened to you is …
Trauma survivors can uniquely identify with the pain of the world. We have felt helpless and victimized, so when we see pain in the media or in our everyday lives, we instantly recognize the physical sensations and spiritual hopelessness others are experiencing. We want to rescue others from that darkness. …
Sexual violence survivors worry a lot. We transfer the worry others should have felt about what we were experiencing into worry about our current loved ones, long after our own bad experience is over. We think this is helpful to others and to ourselves, but it can be unhealthy if …
Sometimes, it seems like nobody understands, nobody listens, nobody is around when we need them. We get overwhelmed by grief and tears. If we did have someone there, we wouldn’t be able to talk anyway because the sadness is so big. So we cry until we stop crying and don’t …
Big decisions can paralyze survivors. The big ones paralyze most people. But it’s the little decisions we make all day long, every day, that can add up to mental and spiritual paralysis and cause us to lose our place in the world. Like what to have for supper, for instance. …
We get triggered by what outsiders see as “weird” things. A song comes on the radio, and maybe it was the favorite song of the person who harmed us, maybe “our” song, maybe the song that was playing when we were assaulted. We know all the lyrics. The music …