Do you sometimes feel like EVERYTHING is your responsibility? When things go wrong, is it always your fault? Is criticism devastating? Is self-criticism paralyzing?
I was like that. I learned a way to take correct responsibility, and I’m much better and happier now. Here’s what I did.
When I was a little kid, I got molested by a neighbor. My family didn’t believe me when I told them. I got grounded. My mom cried a lot and said it was my fault he touched me and I touched him. After it happened, nobody ever said anything about it ever again.
This started the cycle of me feeling like I caused every bad thing that ever happened. I couldn’t talk about bad things because I had to take care of people and not upset them. I had to keep my feelings secret.
There’s a lot more to the story, and I’m willing to share it in the Beyond Brave Community, if you’re willing to join the group and ask me for the rest of the story.
I’m an old grownup now, and a few years ago I learned a meditation that let me stop feeling fully responsible for what happened when I was a kid. Basically, I gathered up all the energy around the incident and gave back responsibility to those it had always belonged to. I gave some back to my mom, who had reacted with fear because she’d been molested as a kid and never healed from it.
I gave some back to my neighbor’s wife. She walked in on him doing this to me and kept it a secret.
I gave the rest back to the neighbor. He did a bad thing to me and it wasn’t my fault.
Doing this self-work as an adult freed me from my over-responsibility and I started to heal, and to go forward with healthier ideas and ways of being in relationship.
It’s a process, not a miracle cure. It worked for me.
If you found this post interesting or thought-provoking, check into joining the Beyond Brave Community where Evelyn has many healing conversations with other survivors like you.