I read an interesting short article from Beth Tyson that got me thinking about how trauma survivors lose their tempers more often than they think they should.
For the past several years, I only lose my temper every few months. This frequency is down from many times a day when I was in my 20s. As a little kid, I went through times when I had frequent tantrums and times when I numbed and disassociated from the world. Now, I still get snappy when I haven’t eaten properly, but temper tantrums are rare.
I’ve learned to recognize the situations and people that trigger my uncontrollable rage, and I take very, very good care of myself all the time now, which keeps my emotions level and helps me respond rather than react.
So reading “Seven Steps to Calm an Explosive Child” got me thinking about how long it took me to get to this better place, and how nice it would have been, when I was a little kid, to have an adult who knew about co-regulation. “Co-regulation is how children learn in tandem with a safe and nurturing adult to manage their big emotions,” Tyson writes.
Yep, that would have been nice.
I learned how to “re-parent” myself by parenting my own kid, getting married and divorced, getting married again, visiting with counselors and therapists over the years, reading and doing the inner work the books suggested, and by joining a 12-step program. I also became my own best ally many years ago, because I was the one consistent person in my life through times of chaos and times of calm.
I grew up and learned some really good skills.
If you feel like you’ve made good progress in your life, I’d love to hear your stories. So many times, survivors focus on crisis and upset and shame and blame. What about how you’re doing well? Tell those stories too!
If you found this post interesting or thought-provoking, check into joining the Beyond Brave Community where Evelyn has many healing conversations with other survivors like you.
Source: Tyson, B (2020 Aug 26). Seven steps to calm an explosive child. Aces Connection. https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/seven-steps-to-calm-and-explosive-child