Every survivor heals in their own way, and it is not anyone’s place to judge someone’s healing process. And, sometimes, people on the outside who love us can see what we can’t see, and can ask the question, “Are you sure?”
When I meet a survivor who acts out toxic relationships, declares that everyone else is to blame for their day-to-day problems, uses sarcasm and verbal cruelty and gossip, and behaves in mean and spiteful ways…
and also claims in no uncertain terms that what happened when they were a teenager is “in the past” and they “moved on a long time ago” and they don’t even think about it anymore…
I have to ask, with love, “Are you sure?”
I ask because people sometimes pretend they aren’t still hurt by what happened to them. They have worked hard over the years to build up that facade of healing. Sometimes people jump ahead to the promises of how good life can be if they healed, and skip over some of the work in between.
The answer I most often get is a sharp “I’m fine!” and then later, most people will come back to me and say, “You know what? I’m not sure I’m fine. Let’s work on some of this stuff so I can feel better.”
So, if you feel like you might be pretending to be healed, check into that feeling and find out if it’s valid or if someone else is just planting doubt into your hard work.
If it’s a valid feeling, send me a message and we’ll talk about how I can be helpful to you in your healing process.
If you are a secondary survivor and your loved one exhibits symptoms of stuck trauma, message me and we’ll talk about how you can deal with your own feelings and create a less toxic relationship.
If you found this post interesting or thought-provoking, check into joining the Beyond Brave Community where Evelyn has many healing conversations with other survivors like you.