Bad things happened to you. Perhaps bad things still happen to you. But was it “trauma” like we keep hearing all over the internet and from mental health professionals?
After all, bad things happen to most people. The National Council for Behavioral Health says 70 percent of adults living in the United States report at least one trauma. On the flip side, we tend to think in the United States that if a bad thing happens to us, it makes us stronger. Or it means we’re weak. Or our stories are inspiring. Or our stories are whining pity parties. Or no matter what, our perpetrators are responsible. Or we shouldn’t have provoked the person who attacked us by wearing those clothes.
But mostly, the public firmly maintains that people who have had bad things happen to them should just be quiet and stop making everyone else uncomfortable. Especially if the bad thing involved sex, and especially especially when it involved sex with a small child. Shhhh. We don’t talk about such things.
People who have had bad things happen to them (trauma survivors) take healing in small steps. One step is to create your own labels for yourself, labels that describe you rather than judge and dismiss you and your experiences. “Trauma survivor” is a pretty strong label. If you describe yourself as a trauma survivor, people want to know, “Which trauma? What’s your story?” And when they hear that you survived sexual violence, they get uncomfortable, shut down, and change the subject.
If you survived cancer, you might get a spontaneous hug. If you survived military service, people might get it even if they don’t completely understand. If you survived a natural disaster or a pandemic or attempted murder, people can see how those bad things happened TO you. Sexual violence survivors have a different relationship with the word “survivor.”
So, sit quietly and imagine or write down how you feel about this question: “Am I a trauma survivor?”
If you found this post interesting or thought-provoking, check into joining the Beyond Brave Community where Evelyn has many healing conversations with other survivors like you.