Healing From Sexual Violence
I’m pretty glad to say I’ve broken many of my “emotional bad habits” and am working on many others. Some I’m not working on yet because the bad habit still serves me. Emotional bad habits are just that: Using my emotions in unhealthy, compulsive or even destructive ways. Like most …
Have to tell you, I’m pretty proud of my husband Jake Nordlund. He turned out to be a writer, and after 13 years of being together, I didn’t see it coming. You see, I’m a professional writer. I even have a Master of Fine Arts degree to prove it. I’ve …
Some people just love to give advice, to tell other people what to do because they’re soooo smart. I used to be one of those people before I learned a better way. When someone gives you advice, they’re really judging you. Maybe they are sincere and give you advice out …
For me, promises aren’t only commitments–actions I say I’ll do. Promises are also heart exchanges between me and my higher power (the universe, Tao, Goddess, God). Heart promises are prayers, manifestations and intentions. Before I started believing in myself in my mid-thirties, I didn’t feel like I could influence ANYTHING, …
Checking Out for Secondary Survivors is second to anger in how we attempt to deal with the sexual violence that has happened to our loved ones. This is part of our brain’s automatic responses to protect ourselves. In the Fight/Flight/Freeze reactions, checking out is a “Flight” reaction. Our brains, as …
Some days I just get tired of working on myself, you know? Tired of working so hard for so long and still not being perfect. Tired of always being on my toes so I can apply my skills to challenging situations. (The mindfulness people call that “being in awareness” I …
I remember the first time a counselor suggested she and I should do some “inner child” work. She explained, “Inside you is a wounded little girl who didn’t get what she needed while growing up. Connect with that girl now and give her what she needs, right now.” “That’s bullshit,” …
One of the ways a secondary survivor deals with the trauma of a loved one is the “Macho Man” syndrome. You know the one… “I am going to go kill the sick bastard!” When my husband Jake received the call from his now ex-wife that his mother’s husband had molested …
I have had many healing times in my life, but I’d like to talk about two major ones that transformed my whole perspective. Neither one took very long on the timescale of a life, but they were huge to me. In 2011 I was desperately sad. I’d gone back to …