Healing From Sexual Violence
My husband Jake writes, My wife asked me the other day about the concept of Self-Sabotage because I used to be a 5th degree black belt on the subject. Throughout my whole life, I had goals. I even took the correct steps to reach those goals. I knew that I …
Trauma survivors can uniquely identify with the pain of the world. We have felt helpless and victimized, so when we see pain in the media or in our everyday lives, we instantly recognize the physical sensations and spiritual hopelessness others are experiencing. We want to rescue others from that darkness. …
Sexual violence survivors worry a lot. We transfer the worry others should have felt about what we were experiencing into worry about our current loved ones, long after our own bad experience is over. We think this is helpful to others and to ourselves, but it can be unhealthy if …
Big decisions can paralyze survivors. The big ones paralyze most people. But it’s the little decisions we make all day long, every day, that can add up to mental and spiritual paralysis and cause us to lose our place in the world. Like what to have for supper, for instance. …
All creative people have a companion: The Critic. The Critic is that voice (sometimes quiet, often loud) that says we aren’t good enough. Creative people create all the time, not just when we are actively writing, drawing, quilting, woodworking, etc. Our brains can’t sit still, and we grab onto ideas …
All the survivors I work with are afraid. Every one. First we work on the trauma-based symptoms: nightmares, flashbacks, triggers. Everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way. But I’ve noticed that as people gain control of the acute fears, they begin to explore older fears like …
One day I was talking with a client who should have been doing so much better. She was six months sober, had a safe place to live, had found a new church home, and was generally upbeat about where life was going. Yet that day she was drowning in the …
When I was a little little kid, just around the time I started to read, I believed in magic. I didn’t need explanations for things; I just believed. I sang little songs I made up, all day long. Finger painting was awesome. My toys had a rich life in the …
When we talk about how harm affects us in violence survivor communities, it’s almost always about how other people’s harmful actions have affected victims. The many symptoms of PTSD. The lingering anxiety and depression. Unregulated emotions. There is definitely a cause-and-effect between traumatic experiences and the continued and often uncontrollable …
Do you sometimes feel like EVERYTHING is your responsibility? When things go wrong, is it always your fault? Is criticism devastating? Is self-criticism paralyzing? I was like that. I learned a way to take correct responsibility, and I’m much better and happier now. Here’s what I did. When I was …