My husband Jake writes,
My wife asked me the other day about the concept of Self-Sabotage because I used to be a 5th degree black belt on the subject.
Throughout my whole life, I had goals. I even took the correct steps to reach those goals. I knew that I was “going to be so happy” soon! I put everything, including happiness, on hold for when I reached those goals.
Every single time without fail, I would screw things up, just at the cusp of reaching the goal!
When I self-sabotaged, I usually did it in the most devastating way. I would be on the verge of financial success and then get a DUI and lose almost everything. It would take years to recover!
Then I would be on a comeback with a full head of steam and then, completely destroy everything from relationships to a good job and almost my freedom all in a single day!
Why would anyone intentionally destroy their life? Yes, the self-sabotage was intentional. I maybe didn’t plan on what day my life would crumble, but it was inevitable and intentional.
Chaos and crisis situations were something I was used to. I was good at them most of the time. I reached out for sympathy from everyone I knew and they gave it to some extent. I didn’t feel like I deserved anything good. I didn’t know how to feel good. My sense of personal accomplishment was tied to fighting through the crisis.
I wore my problems like a badge of honor. Yes! Poor me! Look at how I survived THAT one!
Then the most terrible awesome day happened. (Ask me about this story. It’s a good one!) At the highest point in my biggest crisis yet, I became excitedly happy FIRST! I didn’t have to “wait until some future goal happened” to be happy. I became happy FIRST! My entire world shifted. I looked forward to goals and dreams through the lens of happiness.
So when my wife asked me to talk to her about the concept of Self-Sabotage, I started to laugh. The reason this is so funny to me is because, I forgot to self-sabotage!
In the past 2 years, I have completely forgotten to do it! This concept was so ingrained in me that self-sabotage was as natural as breathing in my life. Now that I feel happy and good FIRST, there is no reason for it.
Are you an expert at self-sabotage? Are you sick of it? Are the people in your life tired of the same story of you self-destructing?
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