Healing From Sexual Violence
Sometimes, it seems like nobody understands, nobody listens, nobody is around when we need them. We get overwhelmed by grief and tears. If we did have someone there, we wouldn’t be able to talk anyway because the sadness is so big. So we cry until we stop crying and don’t …
We get triggered by what outsiders see as “weird” things. A song comes on the radio, and maybe it was the favorite song of the person who harmed us, maybe “our” song, maybe the song that was playing when we were assaulted. We know all the lyrics. The music …
I have a saying about myself: “I’m just an ordinary girl who does extraordinary things.” I don’t take compliments well. Some might say I’m really bad at taking compliments lol. I learned in my family of origin that I should NOT stand out; if I was good at something I …
I believe that self-kindness leads to self-compassion, which leads to self-acceptance. For people who’ve experienced the deeply personal trauma of sexual violence, it can be very, very hard to be kind to yourself, let alone being compassionate or accepting. Survivors often fall into traps of self-blame, self-pity and self-harming. We …
All creative people have a companion: The Critic. The Critic is that voice (sometimes quiet, often loud) that says we aren’t good enough. Creative people create all the time, not just when we are actively writing, drawing, quilting, woodworking, etc. Our brains can’t sit still, and we grab onto ideas …
When we talk about how harm affects us in violence survivor communities, it’s almost always about how other people’s harmful actions have affected victims. The many symptoms of PTSD. The lingering anxiety and depression. Unregulated emotions. There is definitely a cause-and-effect between traumatic experiences and the continued and often uncontrollable …
Sometimes trauma survivors write letters to the people who harmed them, and it can be very healing. Sending the letters is another matter; it may be re-traumatizing to send a letter and deal with the aftermath if the letter isn’t received like you want it to be. So, stick to …
Do you sometimes feel like EVERYTHING is your responsibility? When things go wrong, is it always your fault? Is criticism devastating? Is self-criticism paralyzing? I was like that. I learned a way to take correct responsibility, and I’m much better and happier now. Here’s what I did. When I was …
More thoughts on emotional bad habits, and how those bad habits are actually trauma reactions that get stuck. Emotional bad habits are harmful and sometimes compulsive overreactions to life circumstances and relationships. Your kid leaves the cap off the toothpaste AGAIN even though you’ve told him 50,000 times, so your …
I’m pretty glad to say I’ve broken many of my “emotional bad habits” and am working on many others. Some I’m not working on yet because the bad habit still serves me. Emotional bad habits are just that: Using my emotions in unhealthy, compulsive or even destructive ways. Like most …