Healing From Sexual Violence
I believe that self-kindness leads to self-compassion, which leads to self-acceptance. For people who’ve experienced the deeply personal trauma of sexual violence, it can be very, very hard to be kind to yourself, let alone being compassionate or accepting. Survivors often fall into traps of self-blame, self-pity and self-harming. We …
All creative people have a companion: The Critic. The Critic is that voice (sometimes quiet, often loud) that says we aren’t good enough. Creative people create all the time, not just when we are actively writing, drawing, quilting, woodworking, etc. Our brains can’t sit still, and we grab onto ideas …
One day I was talking with a client who should have been doing so much better. She was six months sober, had a safe place to live, had found a new church home, and was generally upbeat about where life was going. Yet that day she was drowning in the …
Sometimes trauma survivors write letters to the people who harmed them, and it can be very healing. Sending the letters is another matter; it may be re-traumatizing to send a letter and deal with the aftermath if the letter isn’t received like you want it to be. So, stick to …
Do you sometimes feel like EVERYTHING is your responsibility? When things go wrong, is it always your fault? Is criticism devastating? Is self-criticism paralyzing? I was like that. I learned a way to take correct responsibility, and I’m much better and happier now. Here’s what I did. When I was …
More thoughts on emotional bad habits, and how those bad habits are actually trauma reactions that get stuck. Emotional bad habits are harmful and sometimes compulsive overreactions to life circumstances and relationships. Your kid leaves the cap off the toothpaste AGAIN even though you’ve told him 50,000 times, so your …
Have to tell you, I’m pretty proud of my husband Jake Nordlund. He turned out to be a writer, and after 13 years of being together, I didn’t see it coming. You see, I’m a professional writer. I even have a Master of Fine Arts degree to prove it. I’ve …
Writing down the pain is an act of courage for trauma survivors. Writing is so courageous it’s impossible to talk about all the layers in a short blog post. Writing externalizes the pain, starting the process of getting it out of the brain and body. Writing can help survivors work …
For me, promises aren’t only commitments–actions I say I’ll do. Promises are also heart exchanges between me and my higher power (the universe, Tao, Goddess, God). Heart promises are prayers, manifestations and intentions. Before I started believing in myself in my mid-thirties, I didn’t feel like I could influence ANYTHING, …
I’m thinking about the complex thoughts and emotions that go into making promises. There’s the aspect of “yes and no” and boundaries. There’s commitment and responsibility. Self-doubt and resentment. Taking care of other people and co-dependence. Whew! When you slow down and think about it, making promises is a big …